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20 March 2005 06:47 pmMEMO
TO: The Little Darlings
FROM: Your T.A.
RE: Newly created system of academic licensing and how it pertains to you.
___________________
Over the course of marking not one, but two sets of your essays, it has occurred to me that I couldmake my life easier and less painful more effectively do my job if I were to institute a simple and largely informal system of academic licensing. This is, I assure you, for your own good and all in the interests of making you the very best student of History of England in the Middle Ages that you can possibly be.
The system is quite simple. As of this moment (6:47pm, March 20th, 2005), you are not permitted to use certain words, items of punctuation, and turns of phrase until you prove to me that you do, in fact, know how to use them. These words, items of punctuation, and turns of phrase should not appear, upon pain ofdeath pain really low mark, in any of your essays, assignments, or exam answers until I have officially given you permission to make use of them.
Some examples of words, items of punctuation, or turns of phrase include (but are not limited to):
- whilst
- whom
- hence
- in perspective (because what you -- and you know who you are -- meant to say was in retrospect)
- in regards or as pertains to (because you -- and you know who you are -- were beginning every bloody sentence with one or the other)
- as said (because those two words wedged in front of a quote does not constitute an adequate introduction to secondary sources)
- since the beginning of (because I don't care what you wedge after that phrase, if you're in second year, you cannot be assumed to possess the necessary levels of irony and humour to make use of that horrible history chestnut)
Furthermore -- and this is very important, so I will bold it to make sure I have your attention -- you are not permitted to use semi-colons or colons until you have first proven to me that you know how to use a comma.
And -- this also merits bolding -- metaphors and similes are strictly forbidden until you prove that you know how to use them in a way that doesn't make my eyes bleed to read them.
In order to obtain permission to use the above and other words, items of punctuation, and turns of phrase, please apply to me directly. You will be required to present one form of identification (preferably your student card, as it has both a picture of you and your student number) and a two-page writing sample. The writing sample need not be original -- I am perfectly happy to accept an excerpt from an essay or assignment previously submitted in this or any other class.
For a complete list of forbidden words, items of punctuation, and turns of phrase or for more information on applying, please contact me either by email or during my office hours.
Interested parties who arrive four hours after my office hours and are huffy to my office-mates because I'm not there will be refused on principle.
TO: The Little Darlings
FROM: Your T.A.
RE: Newly created system of academic licensing and how it pertains to you.
___________________
Over the course of marking not one, but two sets of your essays, it has occurred to me that I could
The system is quite simple. As of this moment (6:47pm, March 20th, 2005), you are not permitted to use certain words, items of punctuation, and turns of phrase until you prove to me that you do, in fact, know how to use them. These words, items of punctuation, and turns of phrase should not appear, upon pain of
Some examples of words, items of punctuation, or turns of phrase include (but are not limited to):
- whilst
- whom
- hence
- in perspective (because what you -- and you know who you are -- meant to say was in retrospect)
- in regards or as pertains to (because you -- and you know who you are -- were beginning every bloody sentence with one or the other)
- as said (because those two words wedged in front of a quote does not constitute an adequate introduction to secondary sources)
- since the beginning of (because I don't care what you wedge after that phrase, if you're in second year, you cannot be assumed to possess the necessary levels of irony and humour to make use of that horrible history chestnut)
Furthermore -- and this is very important, so I will bold it to make sure I have your attention -- you are not permitted to use semi-colons or colons until you have first proven to me that you know how to use a comma.
And -- this also merits bolding -- metaphors and similes are strictly forbidden until you prove that you know how to use them in a way that doesn't make my eyes bleed to read them.
In order to obtain permission to use the above and other words, items of punctuation, and turns of phrase, please apply to me directly. You will be required to present one form of identification (preferably your student card, as it has both a picture of you and your student number) and a two-page writing sample. The writing sample need not be original -- I am perfectly happy to accept an excerpt from an essay or assignment previously submitted in this or any other class.
For a complete list of forbidden words, items of punctuation, and turns of phrase or for more information on applying, please contact me either by email or during my office hours.
Interested parties who arrive four hours after my office hours and are huffy to my office-mates because I'm not there will be refused on principle.
